What if I'am wrong and they are right (JW's lol)
James Mixon, I had very similar feelings from about 2014 to 2016, before I went full PIMO. Right now despite my situation I feel greater peace and control than ever before, including when I was all in, but those two years of internal struggling we're terrible. Although I don't suffer from mental illness it was probably the closest I've felt to being schizophrenic. There was my JW self and my 'apostate' (real) self and it was so draining just to sort through facts and feelings. It would keep me up at night and distract me at meetings, it would make me have mood swings. I know you'll work through it, but hopefully it's sooner rather than later. You can make it.